Planning ahead. (Very personal, very long)

Cody and I have had our moments where we plan and plan and plan ahead for what we think we want our life to consist of, when things are going to happen, when we'll move, where we'll move to, etc. And these are all good things to talk about and get in the mindset of things changing, but it's not always going to happen the way it's planned out to.

When we started dating more serious and deciding to get married, we talked about kids, how many, and when. We talked about a year, and having lots of them close together.

Well, we've been married for three and a half months now, and we had a curveball thrown at us. Two weeks ago, I was one week late on having my period. I've NEVER been late in the entire 11 years that I've been having them. When you're not married, it's not a big deal. But being married brings on all sorts of new concerns and life changing thoughts. One week isn't that big of a deal though, so we didn't really think too much of it yet. But when another whole week went by with no period, that's when it hit us.  So of course we had the conversation of "WHAT IF WE REALLY ARE PREGNANT?" and I was freaking out. I can't be a mom.. I'm only 21 and I act like I'm still 18. Cody and I haven't grown up, and I'm pretty sure we never will, but especially now, we can't bring a life into this world and be responsible for what they know and do. This lasted for about 8 hours, and then we started embracing the idea that we really were pregnant. We started getting really excited and figured out all the things that we'd have to start doing differently, how we'd pay for everything, etc. We then became ecstatic about the idea, so on Sunday the 29th of April, we went and bought a pregnancy test from Walmart. It was quite the shock of emotions when it said negative.. twice (because I did it wrong the first time). I wanted to cry. I came out and told Cody, and he reacted the same way. Completely devastated.

I thought that was the end. But during the week I was getting nauseous, weird cravings, and other weird "symptoms" throughout the week. But I still hadn't started my period. It was Friday by this time, 5 days since I took the test. And still nothing was different. We went to Wyoming over the weekend and visited Cody's brother Shaun, his wife Melody and their baby Michael. They're pregnant with their second baby that's due in Sept, so I talked with her and Trina (My mother-in-law) about all things pregnancy. I wanted to be prepared in all ways possible, and wanted to make sure that we had all things on our mind. Everyone saw the signs and agreed that the tests aren't always right, and that I probably was pregnant. Of course I enjoyed hearing these things, but hearing something doesn't make it the truth. When we came home yesterday, I took another test. Because it had been 3 weeks, and that's gotta mean something. Negative. Again. This time I really did cry. I cuddled up with Cody and just cried and cried until I fell asleep in the middle of a prayer, asking for an answer. I didn't understand what was going on! I wasn't on my period, but the tests kept saying I wasn't pregnant. I just needed one thing to tell me what was real. Cody and I had decided that I'd go to the doctors this week just to get some sort of an answer. And when I woke up this morning, there it was. I started my period.

To make my day worse, I had to drop Cody off at work instead of cuddling with him all day in sadness.  But everything that happens is on God's timing, not ours.

It really got us thinking about whether or not we really are ready to start bringing our family down to earth yet. With many prayers and temple trips and complete faith in our Heavenly Father, we've decided we're ready to take on this new adventure. So we're going to try, and rely on God, and see where life takes us from now until our next big adventure.

Go ahead, tell us we're crazy, we're too young, we're rushing into things, we need time to be together just the two of us, that we're getting ourselves into a whirlwind of different-ness... We've heard it all. But this isn't really up for discussion. I have a husband and a Heavenly Father who I get to make my decisions with now. The way that we've chosen to live our life may not be the same as yours, and you may have different opinions. But that's the cool thing about you being you, and me being me. We can do things however we want. If we see others doing something contrary to our own ways, we have the ability to make our own decisions and create our own lifestyles. We are all so incredibly different, and we always will be.

I'm not asking for complete support, although that would be so refreshing. I'm just asking for you to not judge us. Force a smile or a "that's awesome, guys!" Just don't bring us down with your opposing "words of advice". This is an exciting time in our lives, and we'd rather be surrounded with excitement and happiness rather than depression and negative words.