As we are in the final stages of getting ready for our little boy to come into this world, there are all sorts of emotions coming to the surface. If you follow me on instagram, you know that we had baby chicks in our preschool class this week, and they all hatched on their own time during the week. The first two hatched while I was at home, but the third hatched while we were all there to see. It was in that moment of seeing that tiny baby chick trying its hardest to push its way out of that shell that it finally hit me; I'm going to be having a baby.. a small human being that I am going to be in charge of keeping safe, healthy, and keeping him on track with growing. When that chick was making its way out of the shell, I lost it. There's no way that me, a 23 year old that still feels like a 20 year old with hardly any experience with babies, is going to be a MOTHER! I had no idea what to do with that baby chick.. did I just leave it in the incubator? Did it need food? Did it need some snuggles? Was I supposed to wash it or just let it try to live on its own?!
I got some really great encouragement from friends and mothers around me that made it all seem okay, and I'm doing much better with it all now. The next day I held some of the chicks, and thought about when my little one is going to be coming. I've heard that there's a lot of "motherly instincts" that just kick in once your child is born, and you know what to do for the most part.
I think I had my first semi-"motherly instinct" yesterday when we were at my in-laws and Dexter had been playing outside and threw up. He was fed way too much human food from the millions of people that were in Highland for the weekend, and it just wasn't doing well in his stomach. After Cody cleaned it up, all I could think about was him feeling better. I went and laid down on the couch and wanted to cuddle with Dexter, and I wanted to go home so that he could feel more comfortable. I just didn't know what to do to make him feel better, but I just wanted to keep trying.
This morning, I watched a video that a mom made of her little son. She took random videos of the small moments and big moments of her son's life throughout his first year. Happy and sad, good quality and bad, but it was real and it was the little moments of her son's life that she wanted to remember. I was bawling my little eyes out and just like that, I felt ready. I know I won't be as ready as I could be, but I've heard that no one really is with their first. I'm so ready for my son to come to this crazy world so that I can play with him, watch him grow, and be his mother. I'm ready for Cody to be a dad and show his immense love for another human being that is part of him and part of me. I'm ready to watch Dexter be completely confused and challenged, but ultimately accept our baby as his little brother and play mate.
There are so many amazing things that are on the verge of happening and turning our lives completely upside down, and I am so excited!
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